This is a special letter to the Grandchildren of Vince Castiglione and Nancy Ursich Castiglione of Harbor City, CA who are Vincent Hoobyar. born 2002, Nina Hoobyar born 2005, Josephine Bianchi born 2010, Natalie Bianchi born 2011, Sam Dikdan of San Pedro, CA born 2007, the twins: Vince Dikdan of San Pedro, CA born 2009, and lastly, Tony Dikdan, San Pedro, CA born 2009.
Dear great nephews and nieces: Vincent, Nina, Josephine, Natalie, Sam, Vince, and Tony.
This is a brief history of my relationship with your Grandmother, Nancy Castiglione. This is very different information than you were told about her and, more importantly, about me. But try to keep an open mind. I know you’re smart. OK? There are reasons why your mother has said terrible things about me, your Uncle Jack. But I am here to tell you the truth in detail and document the truth.
Nancy Castiglione, by her own admission, likes to control things. And boy, did she (and still does). When I first got to know her many years ago, I thought (as you do now) that she was a kind, well-organized, and energetic person with solid Christian values who would go out of her way to be helpful to others, both family members and strangers.
Sadly, that saintly image of her is only a facade. She perpetuated a phony image (back then and today) to present herself as a kind and caring person. But that’s not her true character. I will detail why below to such a degree you will understand that what I disclose here is the truth.
The good news is, your mother (and her sisters), who I love dearly, are not the bad guys. They are all hard-working, wonderful women. It’s not their fault that they believed certain misinformation created by your grandmother, Nancy. So, I do not blame your mom! Your grandmother caused all the family friction. Not your mom.
Before I explain everything, let me tell you why I posted this online. It’s so you may discover it someday by Google searches (as you now have) and hear the truth about your grandmother and, more importantly, the truth about me, your Uncle Jack. I am your Grandfather’s brother, so your great uncle. Since I have no way to contact you, posting this is the only way to tell you I love you and want to get to know you. I’d love to meet you and buy you lunch and talk. Even if you live in central California or anywhere else, I’d purchase round-trip airfare so you can visit me in Long Beach, and we could meet. To learn more about my consequential life, go to https://www.jackcastiglione.com/
To write me, use Jckcs2@gmail.com, and place in the subject, “Hi Uncle Jack,” OK? Also, please share this website with your siblings and cousins.
So, back to your grandmother…
Things became strained between Nancy Castiglione and me starting in 1992 when I took my mother to an attorney to help her create a will and trust. After all, my dad had passed away years before, and she had no will. Wills and trusts are just common sense. They protect the detailed wishes of the person who creates them so their children don’t fight over the financial elements of the estate. This is all very normal.
Well, normal, except for one thing. I did not ask for my brothers’ approval when I brought my mom to the lawyer’s office. I didn’t ask for two reasons. First, I did not want to deal with your Grandmother, Nancy, since she is so controlling and, at times, very unreasonable. And she is not a blood relative of my mother. So, she should not be involved in creating my mother’s will anyway. Plus, my mother doubted Nancy because she tended to be pushy and demanding. (I remember one occasion when Nancy had a key to my mom’s house, and my mom so distrusted her – at that time – that she asked Nancy to return the key. Nancy said, “NO.” So there were ups and downs regarding trust.)
One might ask, why would Nancy be concerned about MY mother’s will? Nancy did not give me, or anyone else in my family, any input into HER mother’s will. It’s none of my business, as my mom’s will is none of Nancy’s business. So, I did not want her input. You generally seek advice from people you respect. I had seen so many little things Nancy did over the years that she became a person I did not trust or respect. And neither did my mom. Yes, my mom accepted and appreciated Nancy’s help on simple daily matters such as house cleaning, laundry, and so on, but never on family financial matters. So, no, I did not want her input.
The second reason I did not announce Mom’s will creation was that we (meaning Mom and her 3 sons) had no disagreements. My dad and mom always said their estate would be divided equally in 3rds. There was no dissent. And I never thought that anything I did to this end was in any way questionable. I was not scheming or conniving to cut my brothers out of their 1/3rd share. It was straightforward.
At one point in creating my mom’s will and trust, the lawyer asked her how she wanted to deal with the 3 responsibilities, namely, making someone the successor trustee, the power of attorney over her finances, and the power of attorney over her health care. My mom said she had three sons, so each one should have one responsibility. I knew what was coming. She was going to say who she wanted to do each job. At that exact moment, I asked where the restroom was so I could excuse myself and leave the room so Mom could speak freely and privately to the attorney without my being there. I owed that to my brothers.
When I returned, I discovered that Mom had selected Frank as the successor trustee (that made sense because, usually, it’s the oldest sibling role). Vince was chosen as the son in charge of her healthcare needs, and I was to be in charge of her finances. Whatever her motivations were for putting each son in these positions, I don’t know. But it seemed all reasonable to me. So, all was right with the world. And, as it turned out years later, when my mom passed away, her estate was indeed managed properly and divided equally 3 ways. So there was no bitching or moaning about improprieties by her sons.
Or … was there?
When the will and trust were completed in 1992, I mailed copies of everything to my two brothers. I held nothing back. I did not know it at the time, but I found out a few months later that the shit hit the Nancy-fan, big time. This was the first earthquake-size fissure that ruptured our family’s harmony. My seemingly innocent work to assist my mom in taking care of her will in the manner she requested ruffled Nancy’s feathers. I had no idea that either of my brothers objected to how I assisted in this will matter. Why would they? It was all even-Steven, fair, and equitable. Right?
WRONG. I mean, wrong for your Grandmother, Nancy. My brother Frank Castiglione had no problem, and I don’t think my brother Vince had any problem. But my sister-in-law Nancy Ursich Castiglione sure did. I learned later that Nancy had planned to take my mom to see a lawyer- herself – to “help” her with her will. You see, Nancy had a plan to interfere with my family’s estate plan. She did not like the idea that my mom and dad decided to split their estate equally three ways, 1/3rd going to each son. No, Nancy’s plan for my mom was to have her divide her wealth 8 ways. 1/8 to me, 1/8th to each of my brothers, 1/8th to each of her five grandkids. When you do the math and combine the money per family, my brother Frank’s family would get 3/8ths (because he had 2 kids), and Vince and Nancy’s family would get 4/8ths or half of my mom’s estate because they had 3 kids), and I would get 1/8 because I had no kids.
This was a long-time plan, or better put, scheme, for Nancy to end up with more than a fair 1/3rd of my mom’s estate. Who is she to bud in like that? I didn’t stick my nose into her parents’ estate plans. Your Grandmother Nancy had no business interfering in my family’s financial estate plan.
According to my brother Vince, the second issue here was that Nancy (through Vince) wanted to be the Executor of my mom’s estate. But Mom chose Frank, her successor trustee, to also be the Executor of her will. It makes sense. Your Grandmother Nancy had a fit! After all, she had her own scheme to control my mom’s estate. But she failed. I caused her to fail. That was a clear reason why she now hated me.
But it gets worse…
As my brothers and I were considering putting our mom in an assisted living facility due to her failing ability to live alone, I came home and found a message on my (old-fashioned) answering machine from my brother Vince (which I saved and still have if you want to hear it). In that message, Vince urged me (since I was my mom’s POA in charge of her financial matters) to have my mom’s accounts drained of money. He insisted that I divide up all her money to the three of us sons – NOW – so my mom could be declared indigent. In this way, the County of Los Angeles would be required to care for her, and we would not have to spend a dime on her health care. He said that his friend Tony DiBernardo of DiBernardo Realty in San Pedro, CA, advised him that this is the way everyone does this.
I told my brother Frank about this, and he and I – without a doubt – refused to do it. Our mom had money to receive better than basic county care. Plus, it’s a felony to deceive the county in this way. It’s fraud. My brother Vince, your grandfather, wanted us to commit fraud! I refused. My brother Frank, a good guy, will also tell you the truth, so just ask him.
It’s worse than fraud because when you place a loved one in a county facility, their care is extremely basic. This is why people save up for their retirement and to get better care. My mom had money (which I caused her to save- that was my job!) so she could be in a better, private care center. My mom was lucky to have a son like me who would seek out the best care for her. Wouldn’t you want the best care for your parents if they needed it?
You must understand that this illegal maneuver was an additional way your grandparents, Nancy Castiglione and Vince Castiglione, tried to take my mom’s money. Imagine if my brother Vince was in charge of my mom’s finances. He would have committed this fraud! Pure greed.
When I stopped them from further depleting my mom’s savings, Nancy responded, “Your mom wanted to do that. She offered to give away her money.” First, I don’t believe that.
So why is Nancy Castiglione angry with me, your Uncle Jack? Well, I stopped her from taking my mom’s money. And I stopped her from taking more than Vince’s 1/3 share. She never met a relative who stood up to her as I have. She did not like that!
So, where is your Grandma Nancy coming from? MONEY. It’s not bad to appreciate and value money and seek it out honestly for a good living. However, when your goal is to amass as much money as possible without regard for where it comes from or who you have to step on to get it, that’s greed. It’s sick.
Nancy sent me a three-page tirade letter about how her parents give her kids tons of money. She said it was over $250,000 (as of 2005). She talked about how hard her parents worked. I guess her point was, paraphrasing … “If my parents can give this amount of money to my kids, your mom can also give a lot of money to my kids.” I still have that letter and all the others she sent me. I can show you all this correspondence. Of course, her parents could do whatever they wanted with their money, but I managed my mom’s money to my mom’s benefit and distributed it according to my parents’ wishes.
Buy it gets worse… (Sorry this is long, but please bear with me. I need to be complete and detailed, to be fair.)
Now, let me tell you about your “Grandpa Pete.” Did you have a Grandpa Pete? Of course, you don’t. I knew both of your grandfathers, and neither one was named Pete. Vince and Nancy Castiglione do not want you to hear about this. They kept it a secret as best they could. It would be embarrassing for them if you guys knew. I am sure your mom never understood the purpose of creating this Grandpa Pete character. (And I will say, once again, I love and respect your mom.) I am sure they never knew what Grandmother Nancy was scheming about. And scheme she did, in many ways. “Grandpa Pete” was just another scheme to get other people’s money.
Let me explain: Pete was the neighbor across the street from Vince and Nancy’s home in Harbor City, CA. He was a widower (his wife passed away), and he had no children. And he owned his home free and clear, plus … he had money. Your grandparents befriended him. Actually, they more than befriended him. They practically adopted him as your mom’s new “grandpa.” Let me tell you, my brother Vince did a lot of fix-it jobs for him, free. Grandmother Nancy took him on errands. Vince and Nancy Castiglione did everything they could, not just to be friends with good neighbor Pete but to psychologically maneuver him into their family by calling him “grandpa.” They even included that Grandpa Pete in their family events and family dinners.
How do I know this? I was at one such dinner at your grandparents’ home when in walked the neighbor from across the street. Nancy greeted him with a hug and loudly announced, “This is Grandpa Pete. He’s our dearest member of our family.” I was there, and so was my husband, Doug.
Both Vince and Nancy spent a lot of time, energy, and money doing extraordinary things for this neighbor. The question is, why? Most people would assist neighbors and friends out of the kindness of their hearts. But why were your grandparents so deeply involved in Grandpa’s Pete’s life? I can tell you this: kindness had nothing to do with it. It all had to do with the fact that Pete was a widower, had money, and no children to leave it to.
Nancy’s scheme? “Why shouldn’t he leave it to us? We did so much for him.” After all, she treated Pete like the kids’ grandfather, and with all the help she and Vince gave him, of course, he’d leave his money to them.
On the occasion of Pete’s death, your grandparents took a weird interest in Pete’s will. They just knew, with all the fix-up work to Pete’s house, all the errands they made on his behalf, all the invites to their family events, surely he’d be grateful in a financial way and put them into his will. I mean, he held no wife, no kids, no close family around; who else would he give his money to?
Within a week after Pete’s death, Vince talked to my other brother, Frank, and practically started crying. Vince was so disappointed and sad. But were his tears for the loss of his beloved neighbor Pete? No, Vince had just discovered that Pete had never put him or Nancy into his will. My brother Frank could not believe how upset and angry Vince was. He told Frank, “He left it all to his distant nephew!” Vince shouted. “He didn’t leave us anything. And I did so much work in his house and never charged him. And Nance drove him to doctors’ appointments and all over the place. I can’t believe he left us nothing. All our time and energy to help him was for nothing.” Ask your great uncle Frank. He will confirm all of this.
I remember Pete. I met him at your grandparent’s house; it was at a Christmas dinner, I think about 2003. Even my Aunt Alice was there, and she and I talked about how odd and uncomfortable it felt to be introduced to this made-up “Grandpa Pete.” Nancy hugged him and told everyone how he was a dear part of their family.
Being kind and loving to a neighbor is a good thing – a very good thing. On the face of it, one would think, WOW, aren’t your grandparents such wonderful, kind people? But Vince’s sadness at his loss of Pete’s money turned more to bitterness in the following days. As I said, wanting money is not bad, but scheming to get it and deceiving others in the process is immoral and awful.
It may sound like I am passing judgment, but I’m trying not to. For me, there is no purpose in exposing someone for their deceptiveness. That would make no sense to me. In fact, that would accomplish the opposite of what I want: to get closer to you, my great-nieces and nephews. I am writing this expose because your moms hate me for no valid reason. It’s your grandmother who plotted this all out. And who has caused (perhaps) you and others to consider me ah … a creep? … a lair? … a thief? A greedy bastard? God, if I heard all those awful things about someone, I’d likely jump to the same conclusion: Uncle Jack is a mean, selfish man!
But I am a good guy, dedicated to improving our society. My life is full of genuine kindness. I never sought payment for any good I did. I never did anything for anyone with the hope of getting rewarded. Never. I value people over money. I always did. Whatever negative images you might have about me stem from your grandmother’s slanderously contrived plan to discredit me. And you’d have to admit, as I openly do, she was very thorough in your scheming.
I would not have written this about your grandmother if she had just left me alone instead of trumping up all sorts of lies about me to discredit me. I’m not a mean or nasty person. But she sought to destroy me, and I will not have that. I will, I must, defend myself and my reputation.
And it gets worse …
But before I continue, let me address readers who do not know my family. This statement is geared toward the extended family of my brother, Vince Castiglione. He and his wife, Nancy, have 3 daughters, Tricia Hoobyar, who has 2 children: Vincent Hoobyar and Nina Hoobyar. His second daughter is Melissa Dikdan, who has 3 sons: Sam Dikdan and twins Vince Dikdan and Tony Dikdan. His youngest daughter is Gina Bianchi, who has 2 daughters: Josephine Bianchi and Natalie Bianchi. So, the children of these 3 nieces have given me 5 great nieces and nephews (now aged 13 to 21). And because I have been shunned, I was never allowed to meet any of them. I’ve tried to reach out to them, but since I do not have their email addresses or phone numbers, I have tried several times to write them individually at their parents’ addresses where they live. However, their parents intercepted my letters and tossed them out. Their mothers blocked my communications because, as I said, they were told I am a greedy, evil bastard and that neither they nor their kids should contact Uncle Jack. From what these kids were told about me, I’m sure they’re all terrified of me. This all-out desperate campaign to paint me as evil is Nancy Castigione’s calculated desperate scheme to prevent the truth from being exposed.
Vince and Nancy put money over family. One example of how Vince and I disagree involves how we treated our Aunt Alice differently. She had a second home in the desert. There came a time when she wanted to sell that Palm Springs home. She asked Vince to help clean up her property and sell the home. The desert house ended up selling for $23,000. He withheld $6,000 for commission (plus about 1,000 in expenses). A standard commission would have been about 6% or about $1,400. But he charged her $6,000. Now, he explains the high fee because he had to do some extra work before the house could be sold. The thing is, this is his elderly, widowed Aunt. Do nephews have to charge their elderly relatives? And if they feel they do, should it be an exorbitant amount? So, let’s say he earned a $1400 commission for the house sale, plus $1,000 for the extra work (I saw what the work entailed). That totals $2,400, which would have been a fair and appropriate charge to Aunt Alice. Why did he charge her $6,000? Greed.
As it turned out, Aunt Alice got the house back due to non-payment. She rented it and had bad luck again. The renters did not pay their rent, so she needed to evict them. I offered to help. I took Aunt Alice out to Palm Springs to evict the tenants. I represented her in court. It took a few days to go through court procedures and the paperwork, but we prevailed and had the sheriff physically remove the squatters. Now she had her house back, but it was a mess. The front door and 1 window were broken, so it could not even be secured. That day, I got someone (a very kind person) to put in a new door, new locks, and a new window. I help my Aunt clean up the place. The entire event took 2 days in court and a separate 2 days dealing with repairs and security. But it all went well.
What did I charge my Aunt Alice to assist her? ZERO. For 4 days of my time and talent … nothing. I paid for all our meals and gas, so it cost me maybe $300 to help her, and that was fine. She’s my elderly Aunt. I was glad to help her. And I’d do it again in a heartbeat. (One might think that I could afford it more than Vince and Nancy, but the truth is, they had way more money than I did. (So … I’m the greedy one?)
It was just like the way he treated our mom. When Vince took Mom to Las Vegas, he had her pay for airfare, the hotel, and food. When I took our mom to Las Vegas, I paid for everything. Even when Vince took our mom to a local Dodger game, he had her pay for everything. When I took her, I paid for everything. He could have easily afforded it but was too cheap to cover those costs.
It gets MUCH worse …
Getting back to Aunt Alice, in 2005, Nancy reported that our Aunt Alice was having money issues. Aunt Alice never told me that, even when we discussed her bills. But she did give away a lot of money. Let me say clearly she was not a good money manager. She gave too much money to many charities, including dog and cat rescue organizations. Also, there were political fundraisers that “desperately” pleaded for money, and she gave to them. I know of one case where she gave her long-time handyman, Roberto, a gift check for $10,000 because he said he was in financial trouble. So, she was not managing her money wisely to allow for her retirement. This is all my Aunt Alice’s doing. Your grandmother Nancy had nothing to do with Aunt Alice’s tendency to be overly generous with gifts she really could not afford to give. But the good news is, she had no debt! Even her home was paid off.
But here is where Aunt Alice’s financial troubles developed. Nancy stepped in and encouraged Alice to get a reverse mortgage to cash out much of the equity in the house. She followed Nancy’s advice and pulled out about $350,000. Nancy made sure none of the other family members found out about this. Her encouragement was done in secret. When people do things secretly, it often means they are being deceptive. I mean, Aunt Alice was a beloved family member, and as such, more of the family should have been involved in decisions on how to help her. But openness is not Nancy Castiglione’s strong suit. It’s her modus operandi.
At Nancy’s urging, Alice also gave a gift check to your mom (or Aunt Melissa) when she said she needed money for surgery. (I really don’t know why Melissa would need money for surgery since she had health insurance to cover surgery costs. I don’t know the details, but a gift was made. I believe it was $15,000.) By the way, my mom also gave Melissa a gift check worth $15,000 when she said she needed it to buy a new house. So Nancy’s kids were getting gifts from the family.
Rather than use/invest that $350,000 in a sensible way to create a steady income stream that would give her the support to live the rest of her life in the house as she wanted, Nancy encouraged her to use much of the money and to hire Vince – her husband – to construct specific home improvements. But some of these improvements, such as installing a dishwasher and an expensive whirlpool tub, should never have been done because Aunt Alice didn’t want them. When the job was done, Alice had removed the dishwasher and never used the new bathtub.
So why did Nancy encourage Aunt Alice to make all these costly improvements to her house, many only cosmetic? 3 reasons:
- She wanted Alice to have money to pay her husband to work on the house.
- She wanted Alice’s house to improve in value because… she was scheming to take it from her. (I’ll go into this later)
- And finally, she wanted Alice to have money available to give her 3 kids.
Aunt Alice told me she gave a $20,000 check to each of Nancy’s 3 children. Why? It was not explained to me. After the renovations were completed and all the gifts given, Alice was left with $80,000 AND a $350,000 DEBT! Prior to Nancy’s “help… she was debt free!!
Please understand this: Alice had a home that was paid in full, with no debt there. Now, after Nancy’s “wise” financial advice and encouragement, Alice had a $350,000 debt on the house and only $80,000 left of the money to live on.
One might say that, technically, Alice made all those financial decisions herself. However, if Alice is acting on the advice of trusted relatives (Vince and Nancy) to incur this debt, those trusted relatives are responsible. What Vince and Nancy did is referred to as “elder financial abuse.”
Alice was burning about $20,000 a year, which is not unreasonable; her Social Security was only $12,000 per year. She quickly realized the money was becoming depleted, and she began resenting Nancy for being reckless with the money, spending so much of it on unnecessary home improvements that she never wanted. Although some improvements were structurally important, most were cosmetic and unnecessary. Whenever she looked at the whirlpool bathtub, she never wanted or used it. She became angry at Nancy for nudging her into reckless spending. Everything changed. When Alice realized she was financially screwed, she began to flip out.
You might be asking why I did not stop your Grandmother, Nancy, from encouraging Aunt Alice to get a reverse mortgage. Nancy did it in secret. I did not know about it. And why did I not stop Aunt Alice from giving $20,000 to each of Nancy’s kids. Nancy did it in secret. I did not know about it.
I learned these things about 5 years later when Alice was in the hospital for an extreme emotional breakdown in 2010. She then told me everything and gave me the documentation to support these claims.
Aunt Alice was one of my favorite relatives because she was from Germany, which made her very special because nearly every other relative was of Italian descent. I have enjoyed talking to her since I was a little kid. She was so smart; she read a lot and had a different perspective on life, which I appreciated. When I came out as a gay person, Aunt Alice was one of the few family members who unabashedly supported me. And that was important to me. I would go up to LA and occasionally see her and take her to lunch. I enjoyed treating her because I always thought she gave me so much in sharing her own enlightenment with me. I don’t know why, but I always appreciate people who are different from me, with different life experiences; there is so much to learn from them. When I was just 6 or 7 years old, I remember how fascinated I was by your German culture, her German knickknacks and cuckoo clocks, and some of her festive clothing in her closets.
And it gets much worse…
The below event is why grandmother Nancy had tried so hard to keep you away from the truth.
In 2010, the year Aunt Alice was taken to a mental hospital, I met her dear friend and neighbor (of 20 years), Jeffrey Schnieder. I appreciated him so much, and how well he befriended and looked after my Aunt Alice. Jeffrey became quite a special confidant to my Aunt. He saw a lot of the mischief that Nancy was causing, but because Nancy was family to Alice, AND Nancy came across as a strong-minded individual, he could not intervene. Jeffery incorrectly assumed that Alice’s other family members were in the loop and supportive of Nancy’s efforts. So he felt he could not, should not, interfere in our family matters.
I can tell you clearly that if either my brother Frank or I had known any of the shenanigans that Vince and Nancy were pulling on our Aunt Alice, we would have stopped them in their tracks!
You need to ask why Alice was rushed to the hospital. She was found half naked, on the floor, confused and somewhat incoherently. Both Jeffery and Nancy were there. I assume it was Nancy who called the Paramedics. They rushed her to a hospital for emergency psychiatric treatment. Days later, she was diagnosed with temporary insanity. Why did she flip out? She had just discovered that all her money was gone, and was in extreme debt. It was an impossible revelation to deal with. Her happy, stable life, with no debt, was wiped out by following Nancy’s financial and legal advice. Of course, I visited her at the hospital several times, as did Nancy, Jeffery, and others. She was in bad shape mentally. The day the paramedics were called, I was not there. However, Jeffery was, and his statement below explains what happened.
A few days later, I talked to her doctor. He told me that Alice’s mental issue was temporary because it was brought about by shock, the shock of being near destitute. But with rest and medication and surrounded by loving people, she would recover 100%.
While in the hospital, Aunt Alice reported Nancy and Vince’s elder financial abuse, and the county took action to investigate. More about that later. However, in the process of Alice detailing her interactions with Nancy, it became clear to hospital staff that Nancy should have no further contact with Alice. I didn’t make that decision, but it was obviously a wise and necessary one for her recovery.
Luckily, even though the horrible treatment of our Aunt had already happened, Jeffery and I became good friends and, more importantly, a good couple at teamwork. Jeffrey needed me because I was family, and I needed him because he was physically right next door and always available. This allowed me to be fully brought up to speed on all the details of the disaster your grandmother Nancy and Grandfather Vince had caused to Alice. Jeffrey and I worked hand in hand to restore Alice’s life and her financial situation. Alice had asked me to be her POA (Power of Attorney). But I thought Jeffrey was better suited because he was there and could oversee her finances better than me. I gladly agreed to be the second POA.
**************
Here is Jeffrey Schnieder’s account of the interactions between Nancy and Aunt Alices:
“The stress of these new financial difficulties really began to weigh on her. She felt that Nancy and Vince had used the reverse mortgage to enrich themselves, and they were simply making cosmetic improvements to the house so it would be easier for them to sell quickly and fetch a better price when the time came. And it left her so helpless and vulnerable at her advanced age. All she wanted to do was live out her years in her house, and that was beginning to look like it wouldn’t be possible.
“Indeed, by 2009-2010, Alice was almost entirely out of her financial reserves. She frequently reached out to me, asking if I had any ideas on what she should do. I had suggested a refi of the loan might give her access to a little more cash, and I also suggested separating the lower bedroom and “tomb room,” as she called it, into a separate apartment and renting it out. This would create a steady income stream. This idea was a no-brainer, especially the way the house was laid out. It was designed like a separate mother-in-law apartment and was currently being used as just a clutter-fest of storage.
“This is the sort of thing Nancy and Vince should have done back in 2005 if they were really concerned with setting Alice up in a sustainable financial situation. For $20,000, they could have sealed off the connecting door, fleshed out the kitchen, as we eventually did, and rented it out for $1800 per month. That would have provided her with all the additional income she needed. And she would still have most of the principal from the reverse mortgage intact as a security nest. She presented the idea of refinancing, and Nancy rejected it, saying no bank would ever give more money without really looking into it. Alice soon asked me to look into it, which I did, and Wells Fargo told me that they would need to do a new appraisal but that a refinance might be a good idea, rates were lower, and additional equity might be available. Then Nancy told me to back off. It was none of my business, and she would take care of her Aunt. Not long after Nancy even mentioned the dreaded Nursing home concept. It sent Alice into a tailspin.
“The stress from this financial situation had been building for a long time and ultimately was affecting Alice’s health. She was severely depressed, hardly eating and sleeping poorly. All of these factors led to her mental break and her 2010 hospitalization.
“At this point, Jack came up for one of his lunch dates with Alice and was shocked to find Alice in the hospital, Nancy had left him and every other member of the family completely out of the loop regarding everything Alice. It was also during this visit that Jack learned about the reverse mortgage of 2005 for the first time.
“Nancy came up during Alice’s hospitalization for a few days and spent her time at the house searching for Alice’s estate papers. I found a person willing to live at the house and take care of Alice when she eventually came out of the hospital. She was a friend of my sister named Carole. She was a lovely girl, she had a recent breakup so she was in search of a new living situation and was willing to take care of Alice in exchange for a living situation. The house was certainly big enough for that. Nancy was at the house for Alice’s homecoming. And she spent that first night at the house with Alice and Carole. I still don’t totally understand what happened that night but Nancy ended up calling the paramedics in the middle of the night to take her off to a Psych hospital, Carole resisted and eventually the paramedics interviewed Alice when they arrived and determined that although she was a little confused, she was fully cognizant of where she was and didn’t understand why the paramedics had been called. They realized she didn’t present any real danger to herself and they saw no reason to whisk her to the hospital in the middle of the night.
“The next day Nancy left, she had to work. Carole was a wonderful caregiver and really helped Alice through her convalescence. Alice did go back into the hospital for some additional tests and to balance her meds to find some mental stability. They succeeded, and a fully healed and rational Alice did come home.
“She still had all of her financial problems and she was angrier than ever at Nancy at this point. She remembered the “incident” that night and didn’t approve of the way Nancy handled things. She felt Nancy just wanted her in a hospital or a home so she could sell the house and cash in. She had totally lost trust in Nancy and didn’t want anything to do with her from then on.
“Jack and I worked to figure out a situation for Alice’s finances moving forward and to figure out some way to help her stay in the house. We reached out to Wells Fargo, the holders of the reverse mortgage, and they led us through the refinancing of the mortgage, which gave her access to some additional equity. We decided to use it to convert the area downstairs into a separate rentable apartment. We found a renter at $1800 per month. We also got her on IHSS assistance, which helped pay for caregivers. She was set. It didn’t take a lot of money. And she was happy as could be, feeling secure again in the knowledge that she had an income stream that would sustain her and keep her in the house the rest of her life.
**************
I know what your Grandmother Nancy Ursich Castiglione would say, at least about Aunt Alice, since she already espoused this to me and others, “Aunt Alice made all those financial decisions herself; I am not responsible for any of her financial difficulties.”
However, when one cozies up to a close and elderly, single, childless relative and offers financial advice, that person takes on a fiduciary responsibility for that person. When you gain someone’s trust, and that person comes to rely on you and your judgment, you can no longer wash your hands in the mess you created in her life and say, “Technically, Alice made all those decisions herself.” Single, elderly people are often the victims of greedy money schemes. So, I do hold Vince and Nancy responsible for Aunt Alice’s financial condition from the time they interjected themselves into her finances. It was a long-time planned out scheme.
OK, now you, my great nephew or great-niece, may think, “OK, Uncle Jack, maybe my grandparents did not do some of this right. Maybe they just made stupid mistakes. That doesn’t mean they planned and schemed to get her money.
What makes this an intentional scheme is that they have done it several times … that I know of. AND, since they do things like this in secret, I likely don’t know the half of it. Make sense? Plus, in Aunt Alice’s case, I do know this was all planned out 20 years in advance. Here’s how it went down.
Point number 1: In 1992, shortly after Alice’s husband (my Uncle Sam) died, and when Alice was at a very vulnerable and emotional time in her life, Nancy drove her to an attorney to have her update her will. NOTE: SHE DID THAT IN SECRET! SHE NEVER TOLD ME OR MY BROTHER FRANK … EVER! As I said before, getting involved with relatives, especially single elderly relatives, in secret is usually a sign of scheming.
Point number 2: she assisted and advised our Aunt Alice to include her (Nancy) in her will to inherit the lion’s share of Alice’s estate.
Point number 3, she advised Alice to name her (Nancy) as Executor of that will. The Executor can pull a lot of crap, and Nancy made sure she was going to be the “crap-puller.”
Point number 4, Nancy advised Alice to have her (Nancy) named as the court-appointed conservator in case Alice was unable to make sound decisions. That means Nancy would make all Alice’s decisions from then on.
In other words, Nancy was locked into Alice’s estate and life to the max. Nancy’s fortune was guaranteed. I remember my brother Vince smiling and telling my brother Frank, “You wait and see what happens when Aunt Alice dies. Nancy has this all planned.”
I also have, in writing from Nancy herself, an email where she states that her name is NOT on any of Aunt Alice’s legal documents. What a lie that is. Feel free to ask me to show you the original documents from that lawyer’s meeting. I have all of them, and they all contain your grandmother’s name. In addition, I have all of Nancy’s denial emails on this subject. I will be glad to show you all the written evidence of Vince and Nancy’s 20-year extended scheme.
Let me clarify Alice’s wills; there were 3 that I am aware of.
First, there was the one your grandmother influenced in 1992, which gave Nancy all the power over Alice. That’s where she gets 1/3, Alice’s cousin, Monika, gets 1/3, and Alice’s nieces and nephews share in the last 1/3. I am in this last group. There are 9 of us cousins in this last group, so we each get 1/9 of 1/3. So, the other 8 and I each get 3.7% of the estate, to be more exact. That’s fine with me; I am not money-oriented. Look at my life. I have and continue to volunteer more of my time to help others. I don’t seek out payments.
But what bothered me was Nancy’s 20-year scheme to inherit and control Alice’s estate and Aunt Alice herself. Oh, when I said she would inherit the lion’s share, the will also contained an instruction that if Monika dies before the will is dispersed, then Nancy gets the other 1/3 chunk of the estate. So she would get 2/3 in that case. So this is how Nancy guided Alice in constructing her will, and being the Exeutrix.
The second will was one that I assisted in helping Aunt Alice create. It was about 6 months after Alice returned home after her emergency stay at the hospital. She was so glad to be home, and in the company of people she could trust. She fully and clearly realized how much Nancy and Vince had taken advantage of her. Since she no longer wanted Nancy involved in her life, and certainly not in her will, she wanted a new will drafted ASAP. I asked her a lot of questions about what she wanted, and she went back to an old idea of dividing her estate equally between her 7 nieces and nephews. I went to a generic attorney (We the People) and created that will. We would each get 1/7 of her estate. That was fine with me.
Even though Nancy and your moms slandered me by telling everyone that “Uncle Jack is a greedy bastard.” The evidence was clear. I never asked for or wanted any money from Aunt Alice’s estate. 1/7 was fine. I was not greedy at all. I have never been.
As time went by, Alice thought more and more about who was around her, who had helped her, and who she depended on from when she was released from the hospital. There were 3 people who were there more than any others: her neighbor and long-time trusted friend, Jeffrey Schnieder; her sole blood relative, her cousin, Monika; and her nephew, Jack (me). I did not know it at the time, but she had second thoughts about 6 months after she had me draft her second will, basically giving her estate to her nephews and nieces. Now, she loves all her nieces and nephews (except my brother Vince), but she could not escape the fact that these 3 people were true to her and there for her, and these 3 people got her through those dark days of overwhelming deception. These 3 people were instrumental in her getting her life back, her house financing manageable, and getting her a stream of income that she needed. Jeffrey was key in setting up this new financial method of her self-support. I cannot thank Jeffrey enough for all he did to assist my Aunt Alice.
So, with this in mind, she asked Jeffery to take her to an attorney and drafted will number 3. This will divided her estate equally between us 3. Again, Nancy screamed, “Uncle Jack only wanted Auntie Alice’s money.” The truth is, I never gave any input into this will. I was not asked, and I didn’t even know she had a new will. After it was all done, Jeffery started to tell me that there was a new will. I interrupted him and said that whatever it was, was fine. Please don’t tell me about it. “If she gave me money or gave me nothing, I’m OK with it.” It had no impact on the way I was supportive of my Aunt. She is family, and I wanted to help, especially because it was my brother and sister-in-law, Nancy, who devilishly connived and schemed to take her money, put her in the hospital, and drove her bankrupt! Of course, I’d be there for my Aunt Alice, no matter what.
It was 2 or 3 months after the new will was created when Jeffrey felt it was important for me to know that I would inherit an equal 1/3 share of her estate. Jeffrey and Monika would receive the other 1/3 shares. So how could I have been acting on any greediness if I never even knew about the 3rd will?
I found it important that after social workers interviewed Alice the first time she was admitted to emergency, they opened a case of “Adult Financial Abuse” against Vince and Nancy, your grandparents. I received a letter on the matter which asked me to provide more details about this case. (I still have this letter.) As much as I strongly disliked what Vince and Nancy did to our Aunt Alice, I could not cooperate in the county’s case to prosecute my brother Vince. I was torn, but being a party to my brother’s prosecution was a step too far. I just could not do it.
Nancy tried to erase all the bad stuff and make up with Aunt Alice. The week Alice got home from the hospital, Nancy made an unannounced visit. She rang the bell, and a healthcare worker opened it. Nancy had arrived with flowers, some floating helium-filled balloons on ribbons, a wrapped present, and a plate of homemade cookies. I was not there, but the care worker told me Nancy had a big smile, feeling confident she could get back in Alice’s good graces. She started to step inside.
“Sorry, you’re not allowed here. Doctor’s orders” said the care worker.
“But Alice is my Aunt. I have gifts for her.”
“I was told that under no circumstances are you allowed in her home. Goodbye.”
Finally, your grandmother Nancy realized it was over. She would not, could not have any further contact with my Aunt Alice.
Can you imagine what Nancy Ursich Castiglione of Harbor City told your grandfather Vince when she got home that day? I know because one of my nieces (your mom or her sister) told me in no uncertain words. It went something like this:
“Vince, it’s over. Years of planning, all the work, time, and effort we expended to acquire Alice’s property is out the window. I’m so exhausted. I brought all this stuff, the flowers and presents, to make a cheery impression, but the worker would not even let me in to see her.”
“What about her will? It’s still in effect, isn’t it?” Vince asked with concern. “You will still have legal power over her life and property, right?”
“I tell you, I searched all over her house for that will, in every drawer, every file cabinet, every folder, and I couldn’t find it.”
“So, it is still active?”
“Yes, for now, but I assume it will be changed to cut us out.”
Well, Nancy got that one part right. By the way, Alice hid her will in plain sight. It was in an empty vase on a living room side table. When I visited her, without my asking, she walked over to the vase, fished it out, and gave it to me. I still have it. It was the will Nancy helped her draw up in secret, giving Nancy great power over Alice’s life and property. Aunt Alice wanted that will changed ASAP and asked me to help her with it. I did as explained above.
Then it got the absolute worst…
Then, to her 3 daughters, including your mother, Grandmother Nancy Castiglione announced, “Girls, Uncle Jack told your Aunt Alice a bunch of bad stuff about me and you kids. And because of your Uncle Jack, you are never allowed to visit her again. It’s all Uncle Jack’s fault. He is a nasty, greedy, selfish man, and we will never talk to him again!:
“But why? We love Aunt Alice. Why won’t he let us see her?”
“Your mean Uncle Jack wants all of Aunt Alice’s money. He has manipulated her to stop us from seeing her and to take all her money for himself.”
Dear niece or nephew, maybe you’re thinking, “I know my grandparents. They are kind and generous to us.” Yes, they absolutely are … to you and your immediate families. They would never charge you guys for their time and help. That’s nice, and they are not being pretentious or phony about that. I know they love you guys very much and enjoy your company. I do not disagree with this narrow point.
However, as I explained above, what they have done in their own self-interest to gain money from many others is immoral and probably illegal. My point is, with certain vulnerable relatives and other seniors outside the family they have done despicable things. Every act that appeared to be love and kindness was really an act of greed. Not just concerning Aunt Alice but also with my mom, Grandpa Pete, and the other vulnerable seniors in their church.
It’s undeniably wrong to hurt others, but it’s even worse to blame someone else for it. Nancy Castiglione’s greedy actions caused a lot of misery, and she unfairly blamed me for it all. She used her children, your mom and her sisters, as a means to punish me by keeping them away from me. In banning me from your family, your mom was simply following your grandmother’s plan, which was a misdirection and cover-up for her greed.
Lastly, I must restate why I wrote this history. Certainly, it is not being mean. It was to state the truth and back it up with substantial evidence to clear my name and reputation. Your mom told you to hate me because I am evil and greedy. But now you know the truth. If you want to get to know me, or at least meet me, I’d love that. I have already told you how we can do that.
I don’t know what Vince and Nancy are up to now (this is 2025, but I doubt if they have changed their character or behavior.
With love and respect, hugs to you,
Uncle Jack