This is a special letter to the Grandchildren of Vince Castiglione and Nancy Ursich Castiglione of Harbor City, CA who are Vincent Hoobyar of Turlock, CA. born 2002, Nina Hoobyar of Turlock, CA. born 2005, Josephine Bianchi of San Jose, CA. born 2010, Natalie Bianchi of San Jose, CA, born 2011, Sam Dikdan of Lomita, CA born 2007, the twins: Vince Dikdan of Lomita, CA born 2009, and lastly, Tony Dikdan, San Pedro, CA born 2009.
Dear great nephews and nieces: Vincent, Nina, Josephine, Natalie, Sam, Vince, and Tony.
This is an important family history. This may be hard to read, but this document exposes how your grandmother Nancy Ursich Castiglione tried to deceive people, both family members and strangers, out of 100s of thousands of dollard… and blame me. Crazy, I know. But let’s start at the begining.
Your grandmother Nancy, by her own admission, likes to control things and people. And boy, did she (and still does today). When I first got to know her many years ago, I thought (as you do now) that she was a kind, well-organized, and energetic person with solid Christian values who would go out of her way to be helpful to others.
Sadly, that saintly image of her is only a facade. That’s not her true character. I will detail why below to such a degree you will understand that what I disclose here is the truth.
The good news is, your mother (and her sisters), who I love dearly, are not the bad guys. They are all hard-working, wonderful women. It’s not their fault that they believed certain misinformation created by your grandmother, Nancy. So, I do not blame your mom or her sisters! Your grandmother caused all the family friction. Not your mom.
My issues with your grandmother, Nancy Castiglione, started about 1990. Everything was going well in our family and in-law relationships until I received my Mom’s certified check for $25,000. I was surprised. I asked my mom why she sent me the check. She said my brother Vince and his wife, Nancy (your grandfather and grandmother), told her that in order to reduce her taxes, she needed to give her money away early instead of waiting for my mom to pass away. My mom told me, “I gave $25,000 each to you, Vince, and Frank, and the other $25,000 I split between my 5 grandchildren, so they each got $5,000. That made an even $100,000 gift.”
I told my mom it was a bad idea for 3 reasons:
- This money was part of her retirement, and she needed to keep it to ensure she’d continue to have a pleasant life.
- Giving away her money in gifts “early” likely would not save anything in taxes for her or anyone else.
- If these gifts were to give her inheritance out early, and her inheritors were her 3 sons, why are her grandchildren getting any of it? Mom and Dad have always said their 3 sons would each inherit 1/3 of their estate. Their grandkids were not included. It doesn’t mean my parent did not love you, but parents usually (though not always) include only their children in their wills. And your mom can receive part of Vince’s 1/3 share. Great.
To me, this was weird and unsettling. I asked my mom not to give away any more of her money because she needed it for her retirement. And she agreed.
But, it gets worse…
After this $100,000 gift debacle, I wanted to codify Mom’s wishes concerning the division of her estate. So, in 1992, I took my mother to an attorney to help her create a will and trust. After all, my dad had passed away years before, and she had no will. Wills and trusts are just common sense. They protect the detailed wishes of the person who creates them so their children don’t fight over the financial elements of the estate. This process is all very normal.
I brought my mom to the lawyer’s office in 1992, because it was time for my mom to have a will, and because I was concerned about Nancy’s manipulative $100,000 “gift.” I wanted my mom to put in writing what she (and dad) have always said, that their estate would be equally distributed to us 3 kids.
The attorney asked a lot of proper questions. One was, “Who do you want to leave your estate to?” My mom replied, “Just to my 3 kids, equally.” At another point, the attorney asked her how she wanted to deal with the 3 primary responsibilities, namely, making someone the successor trustee, the power of attorney over her finances, and the power of attorney over her health care. My mom said she had three sons, so each one should have one responsibility. I knew what was coming. She was going to say who she wanted to do each job. At that exact moment, I asked where the restroom was so I could excuse myself and leave the room so Mom could speak freely and privately to the attorney without my being there. I owed that to my brothers.
When I returned, I discovered that Mom had selected Frank as the successor trustee (that made sense because, usually, it’s the oldest sibling’s role). Vince was chosen as the son in charge of her healthcare needs, and I was to be in charge of her finances. Whatever her motivations were for putting each son in these positions, I don’t know. But it seemed all reasonable to me. So, all was right with the world. And, as it turned out years later, when my mom passed away, her estate was indeed managed properly under my brother Frank’s guidance and divided equally 3 ways. So there was no bitching or moaning about improprieties by her sons.
Or … was there?
When the will and trust were completed, signed, and delivered to me, I immediately mailed copies of everything to my two brothers. I held nothing back. I was as transparent as one could be. I did not know it at the time, but I found out a few months later that the shit hit the Nancy-fan, big time. This was another shake-up in our family’s harmony. My seemingly innocent work to assist my mom in taking care of her will in the manner she requested ruffled Nancy’s feathers. I had no idea that either of my brothers objected to how I assisted in this will matter. Why would they? It was all even-Steven, fair, and equitable.
WRONG. I mean, wrong for your grandmother Nancy. My brother Frank Castiglione had no problem, and I don’t think my brother Vince Castiglione had any problem. But my sister-in-law Nancy Castiglione sure did. I learned later that Nancy had planned to take my mom to see a lawyer- herself – to “help” her with her will. You see, Nancy had a plan to interfere with my family’s estate plan. She did not like the idea that my mom and dad decided to split their estate equally three ways, 1/3rd going to each son. No, Nancy’s plan for my mom was to have her divide her wealth 8 ways. 1/8 to me, 1/8th to each of my brothers, 1/8th to each of her five grandkids. When you do the math and combine the money per family, my brother Frank’s family would get 3/8ths (because he had 2 kids), and Vince and Nancy’s family would get 4/8ths or half of my mom’s estate because they had 3 kids), and I would get 1/8 because I had no kids.
This was a long-time plan, or better put, scheme, for Nancy to end up with more than the designated 1/3rd share of my mom’s estate. Who is she to butt in like that? I didn’t stick my nose into her parents’ estate plans. Your Grandmother Nancy had no business interfering in my family’s financial estate plan.
According to my brother Vince, another issue was that Nancy (through Vince) wanted to be the executor of my mom’s estate. But Mom chose Frank, her successor trustee, to also be the executor of her will. It makes sense. Your Grandmother Nancy had a fit! After all, she had her own scheme to control my mom’s estate. But she failed. I caused her to fail again. That was a clear reason why she now hated me.
But it gets worse…
As my brothers and I were considering putting our mom in an assisted living facility due to her failing ability to live alone, I came home and found a message on my (old-fashioned) answering machine from my brother Vince (which I saved and still have if you want to hear it). In that message, Vince urged me (since I was my mom’s POA in charge of her financial matters) to have my mom’s accounts drained of money. He insisted that I divide up all her money to the three of us sons – NOW – so my mom could be declared indigent. In this way, the County of Los Angeles would be required to care for her, and we would not have to spend a dime on her health care. He said that his friend Tony DiBernardo of DiBernardo Realty in San Pedro, CA, advised him that this is the way everyone does this.
I told my brother Frank about this, and he and I – without a doubt – refused to do it. Our mom had money to receive better than basic county care. Plus, it’s a felony to deceive the county in this way. It’s fraud. My brother Vince, your grandfather, wanted us to commit fraud! I refused. My brother Frank, a good guy, will also tell you the truth, so just ask him.
It’s worse than fraud because when you place a loved one in a county facility, their care is extremely basic. This is why people save up for their retirement and to get better care. My mom had money (which I caused her to save- that was my job!) so she could be in a better, private care center. My mom was lucky to have a son like me who would seek out the best care for her. Wouldn’t you want the best care for your parents if they needed it?
You must understand that this illegal maneuver was an additional way your grandparents, Nancy Castiglione and Vince Castiglione, tried to take my mom’s money. Imagine if my brother Vince was in charge of my mom’s finances. He would have committed this fraud! Pure greed.
When I stopped them from further depleting my mom’s savings, Nancy responded, “Your mom wanted to do that. She offered to give away her money.” First, I don’t believe that.
So why is Nancy Castiglione angry with me, your Uncle Jack? Well, I stopped her from depleting my mom’s money. I stopped her from taking more than Vince’s 1/3 share. I stopped her a second time from depleting my mom’s money by committing fraud on the county of Los Angeles, and my mom chose me, and not Vince, to control my mom’s money. Your grandmother, Nancy Castiglione, never met a relative who stood up to her as I have. She did not like that! And thius was only the beginning!
So, where is your Grandma Nancy coming from? Apparently… MONEY. It’s not bad to appreciate and value money and seek it out honestly for a good living. However, when your goal is to amass as much money as possible without regard for where it comes from or who you have to step on to get it, that’s greed. That’s sick.
Nancy sent me a three-page tirade letter about how her parents give her kids tons of money. She said it was over $250,000 (as of 2005). She talked about how hard her parents worked. I guess her point was, paraphrasing … “If my parents can give this amount of money to my kids, your mom can also give a lot of money to my kids.” I still have that letter and all the others she sent me. I can show you all this correspondence. Of course, her parents could do whatever they wanted with their money, but I managed my mom’s money to my mom’s benefit and distributed it according to my parents’ wishes. (Ask me if you want to see this letter.)
Before I explain further, let me tell you why I posted this online. It’s so you may discover it someday by Google searches (as you now have) and hear the truth about your grandmother and, more importantly, the truth about me, your Uncle Jack. I am your Grandfather’s brother, so your great uncle. Since I have no way to contact you, posting this is the only way to tell you I love you and want to get to know you. I’d love to meet you and buy you lunch and talk. Even if you live in central California or anywhere else, I’d purchase round-trip airfare so you can visit me in Long Beach, and we could meet. To learn more about my consequential life, go to https://www.jackcastiglione.com/
To write me, use Jckcs2@gmail.com, and place in the subject, “Hi Uncle Jack,” OK? Also, please share this website with your siblings and cousins.
So, back to your grandmother… And it gets worse…
Now, let me tell you about your “Grandpa Pete.” Did you have a Grandpa Pete? Of course, you don’t. I knew both of your grandfathers, and neither one was named Pete. Vince and Nancy Castiglione do not want your mothers to hear about this. They kept it a secret as best they could. It would be embarrassing for them if everyone knew. I am sure your mom never understood the purpose of creating this Grandpa Pete character. (And I will say, once again, I love and respect your mom and her sisters.) I am sure they never knew what Grandmother Nancy was scheming about. And scheme she did, in many ways. “Grandpa Pete” was just another scheme to get other people’s money.
Let me explain: Pete was the neighbor across the street from Vince and Nancy’s home in Harbor City, CA. He was a widower (his wife passed away), and he had no children. And he owned his home free and clear, plus … he had money. Your grandparents befriended him. Actually, they more than befriended him. They practically adopted him as your mom’s new “grandpa.” Let me tell you, my brother Vince did a lot of fix-up jobs for him, free. Grandmother Nancy took him on errands. Vince and Nancy Castiglione did everything they could, not just to be friends with good neighbor Pete but to psychologically maneuver him into their family by calling him “grandpa.” They even included that Grandpa Pete in their family events and family dinners.
How do I know this? I was at one such Christmas dinner about 2003 (Aunt Alice and my husband were also there) at your grandparents’ home when in walked the neighbor from across the street. Nancy greeted him with a hug and loudly announced, “This is Grandpa Pete. He’s our dearest member of our family
Both Vince and Nancy spent a lot of time, energy, and money doing extraordinary things for this neighbor. The question is, why? Most people would assist neighbors and friends out of the kindness of their hearts. But why were your grandparents so deeply involved in Grandpa’s Pete’s life? I can tell you this: kindness had nothing to do with it. It all had to do with the fact that Pete was a widower, had money, and no children to leave it to.
Nancy’s scheme? “Why shouldn’t he leave it to us? We did so much for him.” After all, she treated Pete like the kids’ grandfather, and with all the help she and Vince gave him, of course, he’d leave his money to them.
On the occasion of Pete’s death, your grandparents took a weird interest in Pete’s will. They just knew, with all the fix-up work to Pete’s house, all the errands they made on his behalf, all the invites to their family events, surely he’d be grateful in a financial way and put them into his will. I mean, he held no wife, no kids, no close family around; who else would he give his money to?
Within a week after Pete’s death, Vince talked to my other brother, Frank, and practically started crying. Vince was so disappointed and sad. But were his tears for the loss of his beloved neighbor Pete? No, Vince had just discovered that Pete never put him or Nancy into his will. My brother Frank could not believe how upset and angry Vince was. Vince told Frank, “He left it all to his distant nephew!” Vince shouted. “He didn’t leave us anything. And I did so much work in his house and never charged him. And Nance drove him to doctors’ appointments and all over the place. I can’t believe he left us nothing. All our time and energy to help him was for nothing.” Ask your great uncle Frank. He will confirm all of this.
On the face of it, one would think, WOW, aren’t your grandparents such wonderful, kind people to have helped their neighbor Pete! But Vince’s sadness at his loss of Pete’s money turned more to bitterness in the following days. As I said, wanting money is not bad, but scheming to get it and deceiving others in the process is awful and probably illegal.
I take no joy in exposing your grandmother. My entire life has been to help people. But in this case, I need to defend myself and my reputation. It’s your grandmother who plotted this all out. Grandmother Nancy has caused you and others to brand me as a greedy creep. God, if I heard all those awful things about someone, I’d likely jump to the same conclusion: Uncle Jack is a mean, selfish man!
But I am dedicated to improving our society. My life is full of genuine kindness. I never sought payment for any good I did. I never did an act of kindness for anyone with the hope of getting rewarded. Never. I value people over money. I always did. Whatever negative images you might have about me stem from your grandmother’s slanderous lies to discredit me. And you’d have to admit, as I openly do, she was very thorough in your scheming.
I would not have written this about your grandmother if she had just left me alone instead of trumping up all sorts of lies about me to discredit me. I’m not a mean or nasty person. But she sought to destroy me to protect her false saintly image. I will not have that. I will, I must defend myself and my reputation.
And it gets worse …
Getting back to Aunt Alice. In 2005, Aunt Alice was having money issues. Aunt Alice never told me that. I found out later that she did give away a lot of money. Let me say clearly she was not a good money manager. She gave too much money to many charities, including dog and cat rescue organizations. Also, there were political fundraisers that “desperately” pleaded for money, and she gave to them. I know of one case where she gave her long-time handyman, Roberto, a gift check for $10,000 because he said he was in financial trouble. So, she was not managing her money wisely to allow for her retirement. This is all my Aunt Alice’s doing. Your grandmother Nancy had nothing to do with Aunt Alice’s tendency to be overly generous with gifts she really could not afford to give.
Although Aunt Alice spent more than she took in, she was not broke or in debt. Even her house was paid off. But she did need to stop spending unnecessary money because she had no extra money. Nancy did not like that Alice had a house with little cash. Because…. your grandmother wanted her cash.
Nancy made the worst financial decision she could make for our aunt. Nancy stepped in and encouraged Alice to get a reverse mortgage to cash out much of the equity in the house. She followed Nancy’s advice and pulled out about $350,000. Nancy made sure none of the other family members found out about this. Her encouragement was done in secret. When people do things secretly, it often means they are being deceptive. I mean, Aunt Alice was a beloved family member, and as such, more of the family should have been involved in decisions on how to help her. But openness is not Nancy Castiglione’s strong suit. Secrecy is her modus operandi.
At Nancy’s urging, Alice also gave a gift check to your mom (or Aunt Melissa) when she said she needed money for surgery. (I really don’t know why Melissa would need money for surgery since she had health insurance to cover surgery costs. I don’t know the details, but a gift was made. I believe it was $15,000.) By the way, my mom also gave Melissa a gift check worth $15,000 when she said she needed it to buy a new house. So Nancy’s kids were getting gifts from the family.
NOTE: This is weird…. Grandmother Nancy bragged (above) about her mother leaving $250,000 to her 3 kids (your mom), yet, they were desperate for money? Weird.
The reverse mortgage was a financial disaster for Aunt Alice! Why would Nancy push Aunt Alice to do such a stupid, irresponsible thing?
- Grandmother Nancy wanted Alice to have money to pay her husband to work on the house. Nancy encouraged Alice to use much of the money to hire Vince – her husband – to construct specific home improvements. But most of these improvements, such as installing a dishwasher and an expensive whirlpool tub, should never have been done because Aunt Alice didn’t want them. When the job was done, Alice had removed the dishwasher and never used the new bathtub. What a waste of money! But not to Vince. He earned a commission on these “improvements.”
- Nancy wanted Alice’s house to improve in value because… she was scheming to take it from her. (I’ll go into this later)
- And finally, Nancy wanted Alice to have money available to give her 3 kids. Aunt Alice told me she gave a $20,000 check to each of Nancy’s 3 children. Why? It was not explained to me.
After the renovations were completed and all the gifts given, Alice was left with $80,000 in the bank AND a new $350,000 DEBT! Prior to Nancy’s “help”… Alice was debt-free!!
One might say that, technically, Alice made all those financial decisions herself. However, if Alice is acting on the advice of trusted relatives (Vince and Nancy) to incur this debt, those trusted relatives are responsible. What Vince and Nancy did is referred to as “elder financial abuse.”
In the next months, Alice began to realize that her money was becoming depleted, and she began resenting Nancy for being reckless with her money, spending so much of it on unnecessary home improvements that she never wanted. Although some improvements were structurally important, most were cosmetic and unnecessary. Whenever Alice looked at the never used whirlpool bathtub, she became angry at Nancy for nudging her into reckless spending. Everything changed. When Alice realized she was financially screwed, she began to flip out.
It was not me, your Uncle Jack, who messed up Aunt Alice’s life. It was your grandparents’ doing!
You might be asking why I did not stop your grandmother, Nancy, from encouraging Aunt Alice to get a reverse mortgage. Nancy did it in secret. I did not know about it. Also, why did I not stop Aunt Alice from giving $20,000 to each of Nancy’s kids. Again, Nancy did it in secret. I did not know about it.
I learned about much of Nancy’s financial abuse years later when Alice was in the hospital for an extreme emotional breakdown in 2010.
I was heartbroken when Aunt Alice was taken to the hospital for emotional/mental stress. She was one of my favorite relatives because she was from Germany, which made her very special since nearly every other relative was of Italian descent. I have enjoyed talking to her since I was a little kid. She was so smart; she read a lot and had a different perspective on life, which I appreciated. When I came out as a gay person, Aunt Alice was one of the few family members who unabashedly supported me. And that was important to me. I would go up to LA and occasionally see her and take her to lunch. I enjoyed treating her because I always thought she gave me so much in sharing her own enlightenment with me. I don’t know why, but I always appreciate people who are different from me, with different life experiences; there is so much to learn from them. When I was just 6 or 7 years old, I remember how fascinated I was by her German culture, her German knickknacks and cuckoo clock, and some of her festive clothing in her closets.
But it gets much worse…
In 2010, when Aunt Alice was taken to a psyche ward of the local hospital, I met her dear friend and neighbor (of 20 years), Jeffrey Schnieder. I appreciated him so much, and how well he befriended and looked after my Aunt Alice. Jeffrey became a special confidant to my Aunt. He saw, in real time, the mischief and misdeeds Nancy was causing. However, because Nancy was family to Alice, and Nancy came across as a strong-minded individual, he could not intervene. Jeffery incorrectly assumed that Alice’s other family members were in the loop and supportive of Nancy’s efforts. So he felt he could not, should not, interfere in our family matters.
I can tell you clearly that if either my brother Frank or I had known any of the shenanigans that Vince and Nancy were pulling on our Aunt Alice, we would have stopped them in their tracks!
You need to ask why Alice was rushed to the hospital. It was when Nancy and Jeffrey were there that Alice realized she had nothing. She was found on the floor, confused and somewhat disoriented. It was Nancy who called the Paramedics. They rushed her to a hospital for emergency psychiatric treatment. Days later, she was diagnosed with temporary insanity. Why did she flip out? She had just discovered that all her money was gone, she no longer owned her house, and her comfortable lifestyle was all but gone. She realized she was now in extreme debt. I think you’d flip out too. It was an impossible revelation to deal with. Her happy, stable life, with no debt, was wiped out by following Nancy’s financial and legal advice. Within a few days, my brother Frank and I went to Vince’s house to discuss our Aunt Alice’s condition. We wanted to talk to Nancy who was the one who called the paramedics, but she wasn’t there. Vince said his wife told him everything and even had photos of Aunt Alice on the floor, having an expression on her face that seemingly made her look incoherent.
“Vince, what’s going on? How is Alice?” Frank asked.
“She’s in bad shape.” Vince told us. “She’s at a mental hospital. She won’t ever be going back home again.”
“Why do you say that?” I asked.
“Nance filled me in. Alice is insane. It just happened. Nance found her half naked on the floor, babbling.”
I visited her at the hospital several times, as did Nancy, Jeffery, and others. She was in bad shape mentally.
A few days later, I talked to her doctor. He told me that Alice’s mental issue was temporary because it was brought about by a traumatic shock, the shock of being near destitute. But with rest and medication and surrounded by loving people, she would recover 100%. And she did.
While in the hospital, Aunt Alice reported Nancy and Vince’s elder financial abuse to a social worker at Los Angeles County. In fact, I was called by Dinisha Akadi from the LA Office of Adult Protective Service. (Ask me for more details.) However, in the process of Alice detailing her interactions with Nancy, it became clear to the social worker that Nancy should have no further contact with Alice. I didn’t make that decision, but it was obviously a wise and necessary one for her recovery.
Luckily, even though the horrible treatment of our aunt had already happened, Jeffery and I became good friends and, more importantly, a good couple at teamwork. Jeffrey needed me because I was family, and I needed him because he was physically right next door and always available. This allowed me to be fully brought up to speed on all the details of the disaster your grandmother Nancy and grandfather Vince had caused to Alice. Jeffrey and I worked hand in hand to restore Alice’s life and her financial situation. Alice had asked me to be her POA (Power of Attorney). But I thought Jeffrey was better suited because he was there and could oversee her finances better than me. I gladly agreed to be the backup POA.
**************
Here is Jeffrey Schnieder’s account of the interactions between Nancy and Aunt Alices:
The stress of these new financial difficulties really began to weigh on her. She felt that Nancy and Vince had used the reverse mortgage to enrich themselves, and they were simply making cosmetic improvements to the house so it would be easier for them to sell quickly and fetch a better price when the time came. And it left her so helpless and vulnerable at her advanced age. All she wanted to do was live out her years in her house, and that was beginning to look like it wouldn’t be possible.
Indeed, by 2009-2010, Alice was almost entirely out of her financial reserves. She frequently reached out to me, asking if I had any ideas on what she should do. I had suggested a refi of the loan might give her access to a little more cash, and I also suggested separating the lower bedroom and “tomb room,” as she called it, into a separate apartment and renting it out. This would create a steady income stream. This idea was a no-brainer, especially the way the house was laid out. It was designed like a separate mother-in-law apartment and was currently being used as just a clutter-fest of storage.
This is the sort of thing Nancy and Vince should have done back in 2005 if they were really concerned with setting Alice up in a sustainable financial situation. For $20,000, they could have sealed off the connecting door, fleshed out the kitchen, as we eventually did, and rented it out for $1800 per month. That would have provided her with all the additional income she needed. And she would still have most of the principal from the reverse mortgage intact as a security nest. She presented the idea of refinancing, and Nancy rejected it, saying no bank would ever give more money without really looking into it. Alice soon asked me to look into it, which I did, and Wells Fargo told me that they would need to do a new appraisal but that a refinance might be a good idea, rates were lower, and additional equity might be available. It could have been a good solution.
Then Nancy told me sternly to back off. That it was none of my business, and she would take care of her aunt. She said Alice needed to be in a nursing home. Not long after Nancy mentioned the dreaded nursing home concept, Alice went into a tailspin. The stress from her realization of her new deteriorating financial situation had been building for a long time and ultimately was affecting Alice’s health. She was severely depressed, hardly eating and sleeping poorly. All of these factors led to her mental break and her 2010 hospitalization.
That night, Nancy was there and oddly exaggerated Alice’s condition. Nancy ended up calling the paramedics to take her off to a psych hospital. Carole, Alice’s live-in healthcare worker, resisted. I was there when the paramedics interviewed Alice and determined that although she was a little confused, she was fully cognizant of where she was and didn’t understand why they, the paramedics, had been called. The paramedics concluded that Alice posed no real danger to herself, and they saw no reason to whisk her to the hospital in the middle of the night. But Nancy insisted that they take her.
It was a day or two after when Jack came up for one of his lunch dates with Alice and was shocked to find Alice in the hospital, Nancy had left him and every other member of the family completely out of the loop regarding everything Alice. During this visit, Jack learned about the reverse mortgage of 2005 for the first time.
Nancy stayed at Alice’s house for a few days while Alice was in the hospital and spent her time at the house searching for Alice’s estate papers. As I understand it, she was desperate to find Alice’s will. I saw her take a trash bag full of papers with her when she left that day.
As Alice’s close friend, I helped in any way I could. I found a person willing to live at the house and take care of Alice when she eventually came out of the hospital. She was a friend of my sister named Carole. She was a lovely girl, she had a recent breakup so she was in search of a new living situation and was willing to take care of Alice in exchange for a living situation. The house was certainly big enough for that. Carole was a wonderful caregiver and really helped Alice through her convalescence when she got home.
Alice still had all of her financial problems and she was angrier than ever at Nancy at this point. She remembered the “incident” that night and didn’t approve of the way Nancy handled things. She felt Nancy just wanted her in a hospital or a nursing home so Nancy could sell the house and cash in. Alice declared that she never wanted to go to a nursing home and felt that Nancy was trying to maneuver her into one. She had totally lost trust in Nancy and didn’t want anything to do with her from then on.
Jack and I worked to figure out a situation for Alice’s finances moving forward and to figure out some way to help her stay in the house. We reached out to Wells Fargo, the holders of the reverse mortgage, and they led us through the refinancing of the mortgage, which gave her access to some additional equity. We decided to use it to convert the area downstairs into a separate rentable apartment. We found a renter at $1800 per month. We also got her on IHSS assistance, which helped pay for caregivers. She was set. It didn’t take a lot of money. And she was happy as could be, feeling secure again in the knowledge that she had an income stream that would sustain her and keep her in the house the rest of her life.
************** End of Jeffery’s statement********
I know what your Grandmother Nancy would say, at least about Aunt Alice, since she already espoused this to me and others, “Aunt Alice made all those financial decisions herself; I am not responsible for any of her financial difficulties.”
However, when one cozies up to a close and elderly, single, childless relative and offers financial advice, that person takes on a fiduciary responsibility for that person. When you gain someone’s trust, and that person comes to rely on you and your judgment, you can no longer wash your hands in the mess you created in her life and say, “Technically, Alice made all those decisions herself.”
Look, years earlier, Nancy embedded herself into the new will she helped create for Alice, and included herself as Alcie’s legal financial “caretaker.” Now… she wants to say she had nothing do with Alice’s financial condition? Really? Alice never came up with the idea of a reverse mortgage, Nancy did, and she promoted it.
Single, elderly people are often the victims of greedy money schemes. So, I do hold Vince and Nancy responsible for Aunt Alice’s financial condition from the time they interjected themselves into her finances. It was a long-time planned out scheme.
What makes this an intentional scheme is that they have done it several times … that I know of. AND, since they do things like this in secret, I likely don’t know the half of it. Make sense? Plus, in Aunt Alice’s case, I do know this was all planned out 20 years in advance. Here’s how it went down.
Point number 1: In July 1993, shortly after Alice’s husband (my Uncle Sam) died, and when Alice was at a very vulnerable and emotional time in her life, Nancy drove her to an attorney to have her update her will. NOTE: SHE DID THAT IN SECRET! SHE NEVER TOLD ME OR MY BROTHER FRANK … EVER! As I said before, getting involved with relatives, especially single elderly relatives, in secret is usually a sign of scheming.
Point number 2: Nancy advised our Aunt Alice to include her (Nancy) in her will to inherit the lion’s share of Alice’s estate.
Point number 3: Nancy advised Alice to name her (Nancy) as the will’s executor. The executor can pull a lot of crap, and Nancy made sure she was going to be the “crap-puller.”
Point number 4: Nancy advised Alice to have her (Nancy) as the court-appointed conservator in case Alice was unable to make sound decisions. That means Nancy would make all Alice’s decisions from then on. However, Alice insisted that her cousin, Monika, was listed a co-authority. A wise move on Alice’s part.
In other words, Nancy was locked into Alice’s estate and life to the max. Nancy’s fortune was guaranteed. I remember my brother Vince smiling and telling my brother Frank, “You wait and see what happens when Aunt Alice dies. Nancy has this all planned.”
I also have, in writing from Nancy herself, an email where she states that her name is NOT on any of Aunt Alice’s legal documents. What a lie that is. Feel free to ask me to show you the original documents from that lawyer’s meeting. I have all of them, and they all contain your grandmother’s name. In addition, I have all of Nancy’s denial emails on this subject. I will be glad to show you all the written evidence of Vince and Nancy’s 20-year extended scheme.
Let me clarify Alice’s wills; there were 3 that I am aware of.
First, there was the one your grandmother influenced in July, 1993, which gave Nancy all the power over Alice. That’s where she gets 1/3, Alice’s cousin, Monika, gets 1/3, and Alice’s nieces and nephews share in the last 1/3. I am in this last group. There are 9 of us in this last group, so we each get 1/9 of 1/3. So, the other 8 and I each get less than 4% (3.7% of the estate, to be more exact). That’s fine with me; I am not money-oriented. Look at my life. I have and continue to volunteer more of my time to help others. I don’t seek out payments.
But what bothered me was Nancy’s 20-year scheme to inherit and control Alice’s estate and Aunt Alice herself. Oh, when I said she would inherit the lion’s share, the will and trust also contained an instruction that if Monika dies before the assets are dispersed, then Nancy also gets Monika’s 1/3 share of the estate. So grandmother Nancy would get 2/3, or 66%, of aunt Alice’s estate in that case. So this is how Nancy guided Alice in constructing her will, and being named the executrix. You might think, “Well, if my grandmother did so much for Aunt Alice, she should got most of that estate.” The thing is, your grandmother did tremendous damage to Alice, financially and personally, and later when Alice finally realized it, she cut Nancy out of her will and trust.
The second will was one that I assisted in helping Aunt Alice create. It was in 2010, about 6 months after Alice returned home after her emergency stay at the hospital. She was so glad to be home, and in the company of people she trusted. She fully and clearly realized how much Nancy and Vince had taken advantage of her. Since she no longer wanted Nancy involved in her life, and certainly not in her will, she wanted a new will drafted ASAP. I asked her a lot of questions about what she wanted, and she went back to the old idea, including her nephews and nieces in a larger way. She designated 1/3 of her will to her cousin Monika, and 2/3 to be divided equally between her nephews and nieces, but ahe also added Jeffery. So the 2/3 was divided 10 ways. I went to a generic attorney (We the People) and created that will. We would each get 1/10 of 2/3 of her estate, or 6.6%. That was fine with me, I didn’t need anything.
Even though Nancy and your mom slandered me by telling everyone that “Uncle Jack is a greedy bastard.” The evidence was clear. I never asked for or wanted any money from Aunt Alice’s estate. 6.6% was fine. I was not greedy at all. I have never been greedy.
As time passed, Alice thought more and more about who was around her, who had helped her, and who she depended on from when she was released from the hospital. She also thought more about the “improvements” my brother Vince constructed, which Alice thought ere inferior.
I have a letter dated May 14, 2010, from Monika Copeland (Alice’s cousin and only blood relative in the USA and best friend and confidant to Alice) expressing Alice’s thoughts. (The letter is difficult to read because some of it was translated from German – but you’ll understand it). Alice was greatly disappointment in Nancy and the poor quality of Vince’s work:
“Nancy took advantage of me. Ripped off a relative with Vince as [the] contractor. They [Vince and Nancy] said they paid off all their bills. – No wonder, with the money they made off me… Alice said she would never again turn to relatives for work. Nancy had everything run [herself]. Why? Vince isn’t worth [it]. … Alice is curious how he [Vince] got his license. He made a mess of it…”
“… [because of] what Vince has done, in case anyone asks why they are not getting the house… they have no right to it…”
“Alice mentioned ceiling problems ‘due to Vince’s sloppy work’… Alice feels… relatives [Vince and Nancy] have betrayed her. [She] feels being taken advantage of…”
I have this full 2-page letter if you’d like to see it.
In light of all this, Nancy blames me, your Uncle Jack, for what SHE did. Amazing!
So, Alice reconsidered everything about the will and trust Nancy had assisted her in drafting – AND CUT HER OUT! Alice looked around her and felt there were 3 people who were there more than any others: her neighbor and long-time trusted friend, Jeffrey Schnieder; her sole blood relative, her cousin, Monika; and her nephew, Jack (me). I did not know it at the time, but she had second thoughts about 6 months after she had me draft her second will, basically giving her estate to her nephews and nieces. Now, she loves all her nieces and nephews (except my brother Vince), but she could not escape the fact that these 3 people were true to her and there for her, and these 3 people got her through those dark days of overwhelming deception. These 3 people were instrumental in her getting her life back, her house financing manageable, and getting her a stream of income that she needed. Jeffrey was key in setting up this new financial method of her self-support. I cannot thank Jeffrey enough for all he did to assist my Aunt Alice.
So, with this in mind, she went to an attorney and drafted will number 3. This will divided her estate equally between us 3. Again, Nancy screamed, “Uncle Jack only wanted Auntie Alice’s money.” The truth is, I never gave any input into this will. I was not asked, and I didn’t even know she had a new will. After it was all done, Jeffery started to tell me that there was a new will. I interrupted him and said that whatever it was, was fine. Please don’t tell me about it. “If she gave me money or gave me nothing, I’m OK with it.” It had no impact on the way I was supportive of my aunt. She is family, and I wanted to help, especially because it was my brother and sister-in-law, Nancy, who devilishly connived and schemed to take her money, put her in the hospital, and drove her bankrupt! Of course, I’d be there for my Aunt Alice, no matter what.
It was 2 or 3 months after the new will was created when Jeffrey felt it was important for me to know that I would inherit an equal 1/3 share of her estate. Jeffrey and Monika would receive the other 1/3 shares. So how could I have been acting on any greediness if I never even knew about the 3rd will?
I found it important that after social workers interviewed Alice the first time she was admitted to emergency, they opened a case of “Adult Financial Abuse” against Vince and Nancy, your grandparents. I received a letter on the matter which asked me to provide more details about this case. (I still have this letter.) As much as I strongly disliked what Vince and Nancy did to our Aunt Alice, I could not cooperate in the county’s case to prosecute my brother Vince. I was torn, but being a party to my brother’s prosecution was a step too far. I just could not do it.
Nancy tried to erase all the bad stuff and make up with Aunt Alice. The week Alice returned from the hospital, Nancy made an unannounced visit. She rang the bell, and a healthcare worker, Carole, opened it.
According to what Carole told Jeffery, when Nancy arrived “she had a box of gifts (veggies from her garden, a bunch of roses, and a card with pictures of her grandkids.)” Carole accepted the gifts and told Nancy Alice was napping. Nancy left. “Alice made a comment later when she read the card, ‘Oh that Nancy, she just can’t keep away, can she…’”
I wrote to grandmother Nancy that she should not visit or call for 30 days. (I have this email.) However, Alice decided not to see her again, ever. Finally, your grandmother Nancy realized it was over. She would not, could not have any further contact with my Aunt Alice.
Can you imagine what she told your grandfather Vince when she got home that day? I know because one of my nieces (your mom or her sister) told me in no uncertain words. It went something like this:
“Vince, it’s over. Years of planning, all the work, time, and effort we expended to acquire Alice’s property is out the window. I’m so exhausted. I brought all this stuff, the flowers and presents, to make a cheery impression, but the worker would not even let me in to see her.”
“What about her will? It’s still in effect, isn’t it?” Vince asked with concern. “You will still have legal power over her life and property, right?”
“I tell you, I searched all over her house for her will and trust, in every drawer, every file cabinet, every folder, and I couldn’t find them.”
“So, the will is still active?”
“Yes, for now, but I assume it will be changed to cut us out.”
Well, Nancy got that one part right. By the way, Alice hid her will in plain sight. She rolled it up like a scroll and dropped it in an empty vase on a living room side table. When I visited her, without my asking, Alice walked over to the vase, fished it out, and gave it to me. I still have it. It was the will Nancy helped her draw up in secret, giving Nancy great power over Alice’s life and property. Aunt Alice wanted that will and trust changed ASAP and asked me to help her with it. I did as explained above.
Finally, it got the absolute worst…
Based on what several people told me, including Nancy, Nancy’s conversation to your mother went something like this:
“Girls, Uncle Jack told your Aunt Alice a bunch of bad stuff about me and you kids. And because of your Uncle Jack, you are never allowed to visit her again. It’s all Uncle Jack’s fault. He is a nasty, greedy, selfish man, and we will never talk to him again!:
“But why? We love Aunt Alice. Why won’t he let us see her?”
“Your mean Uncle Jack wants all of Aunt Alice’s money. He has manipulated her to stop us from seeing her and to take all her money for himself.”
Dear niece or nephew, maybe you’re thinking, “I know my grandparents. They are kind and generous to us.” Yes, they absolutely are … to you and your immediate families. They would never charge you guys for their time and help. That’s nice, and they are not being pretentious or phony about that. I know they love you guys very much and enjoy your company. I do not disagree with this point.
However, as I explained and documented above, what they have done in their own self-interest to gain money from many others is obscene and probably illegal. My point is, with certain vulnerable relatives and other seniors outside the family they have done despicable things. Every act that appeared to be done with love and kindness was really an act of greed. Not just concerning Aunt Alice but also with my mom, Grandpa Pete, and the other vulnerable seniors in their church.
It’s undeniably wrong to hurt others, but it’s even worse to blame someone else (me) for causing that pain. Nancy Castiglione’s greedy actions caused a lot of misery, and she unfairly blamed me for it all. She used her children (your mom and her sisters) as a means to punish me by keeping them away from me. In banning me from your family, your mom was simply following your grandmother’s plan, which was a misdirection and cover-up for her own greed.
Lastly, I must restate why I wrote this history. Certainly, it is not in meanness. It is to state the truth and back it up with substantial evidence to clear my name and reputation. Your mom told you to hate me because I am evil and greedy because I supposedly did mean things to Aunt Alice. But now you know the truth, it was your grandmother Nancy. And… you are free to believe me or your grandmother. And that is your choice. If you want to get to know me, or at least meet me, I’d love that. I have already told you how we can do that.
This entire scheme planned out and worked out by your grandmother has been extremely painful to me. For that, I know Nancy is very happy because we wants to punish the one person who discovered and thwarted her ugly, greedy schemes: Your Uncle Jack.
My sadness is because she closed off any relationship I might have had with you.
With love and respect, hugs to you,
Uncle Jack
P.S. Note about money and family. Wanting money is not a bad thing. But not only did grandmother Nancy put money over family (as you have read), your grandfather Vince also valued money more than our family.
One example is how differently Grandfather Vince and I treated our Aunt Alice. Alice had a second home in the desert. There came a time when she wanted to sell that Palm Springs home. She asked Vince to help clean up her property and sell the home. The desert house ended up selling for $23,000. (Back then, that was all it was worth.) Vince withheld $6,000 for commission (plus about 1,000 in expenses). A standard commission would have been about 6% or about $1,400. But he charged her $6,000. Now, he explains the high fee because he had to do some extra work before the house could be sold. The thing is, this is his elderly, widowed Aunt. Do nephews have to charge their elderly relatives? And if they feel they do, should it be an exorbitant amount? So, let’s say he earned a $1400 commission for the house sale, plus $1,000 for the extra work (I saw what the work entailed). That totals $2,400, which would have been a fair and appropriate charge to Aunt Alice. Why did he charge her $6,000? Greed.
As it turned out, Aunt Alice got the house back due to non-payment of the new buyer. So she decided to keep it and rent it out. She rented it and had bad luck again. The renters did not pay their rent, so she needed to evict them. I offered to help. I took Aunt Alice out to Palm Springs to evict the tenants. I represented her in court. It took a few days to go through court procedures and the paperwork, but we prevailed and had the sheriff physically remove the squatters. Now she had her house back, but it was a mess. The front door and 1 window were broken, so it could not even be secured. That day, I got someone to put in a new door, new locks, and a new window. I help my aunt clean up the place. The entire event took 2 days in court and an additional 2 days dealing with repairs and security. But it all went well.
What did I charge my Aunt Alice to assist her? ZERO. For 4 days of my time and talent … nothing. Plus, I paid for all our meals and gas, so it cost me maybe $400 to help her, and that was fine. She’s my elderly Aunt. I was glad to help her. And I’d do it again in a heartbeat. (One might think that I could afford it more than Vince and Nancy, but the truth is, they had way more money than I did. (So … I’m the greedy one?)
Another examples: It was just like how grandfather Vince treated our mom. When Vince took Mom to Las Vegas, he had her pay for airfare, the hotel, car rental, and food. When I took our mom to Las Vegas, I paid for everything, including airfare, the hotel, car rental, and food. Even when Vince took our mom to a local Dodger game, he had her pay for everything. When I took her, I paid for everything. He could have easily afforded it but money was too important to my brother Vince.
This doesn’t make Vince evil. But I’m just telling you where his head is. This great fondness for money helps to explain why he (and Nancy) did all the selfish things they did to others… greed.
They desperately tried to discredit me, your Uncle Jack, so their greed would remain a secret.